Hey everyone. I am feeling pretty done with my homework, despite being not-even-kind-of done, so I thought I’d just drop by. Check in. All that jazz.
I just went grocery shopping and, upon arriving home, discovered something strange. I pose this question to you all: What kind of janky-ass deli puts your turkey in a Hefty bag?
This gave me pause…but I was hungry so I quickly hit play and made a sandwich. We’re just going to go ahead and hope that this back alley turkey is “pure”*
If anything should happen to me, the evidence is in the fridge. The murder weapon:
It was that creepy guy from the alley, in the living room, with the hefty bag full of tainted meat!
“Tainted? Is that like painted” –Enough**
Oh yeah, this is a blog about weight and eating disorders and whatnot…should probably mention those now and then. Things are good on the food front. No self control problems to speak of (other than eating multiple frozen, chocolate-covered bananas a day…I don’t have a problem!) Currently weighing in at a satisfying 145 lbs*** With just over a week until my birthday, I am really starting to get excited to learn what this “alcohol” is…the anticipation is killing me. Soon though. Soon.
Note to Readers:
Now I know that my writing has been much more upbeat lately because my disorders are in hand. This is a very big step for me, but don’t think that I have forgotten how many of you are still battling every day. I will never forget how hard it is. Nights not being able to go to bed because you feel guilty about the day. Feeling sick at all of those “Just Do It” advertisements because they make it sound so easy. My first time around, I was too caught up in all of it to remember. I thought that because I had lost weight, everyone was magically ready to do the same. I’m not quite that naive anymore.
I know that it is hard, and embarrassing and frustrating and long. I know that other people offering to help just makes it worse. It always comes down to you. You have to be ready to get started. The change is too big for someone else to force you into it.
Here is the last thing I’ll say. I have had “my final binge” and “my last unhealthy day” more times than I can count. Every time we slip up, it feels like everything is ruined and we’re back to square one. I still feel like that some days. I just want you to know that failing the first time (or even the first hundred) happens, and it doesn’t have to stop you. When you wake up after a day of eating poorly or bingeing^, don’t try to make up for it. I know it’s awful but I really try to just acknowledge it happened and then put it behind me. Trying to make up for a bad day (particularly in my case) often just leads to another bad day. And on. And on. Before you know it, you’re up 90 lbs and still trying to make up for yesterday.
Sorry, I didn’t expect to just go off like that. Guess I had a fair bit to say. Anyway, the point of this note is that I’m still here, and my past is still here too. You can still always message me to ask questions, give me advice, or just talk. Sometimes you just really need a friendly ear. You are always free to hit me up. I hope things are going well for you.
*Pure? Yeah, I know drug stuff and…that sounds right. Nailed it.
**I am trying to work more Enough quotes into my writing (both recreational and academic)
***Down from 210 lbs last winter
^I use binge eating as an example out of first hand experience, but I know how many others of you have other demons. I’m here if you need me, and if there is anything you’d like me to discuss that I have missed, please let me know.